yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
