I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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