i think my mom watched the whole time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
