stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
