I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
