He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize