she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
