I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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