the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want her autograph on my taint
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
