you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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