My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
