i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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