I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
