Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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