If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize