2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
