but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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