I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
