i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My breasts were aching with rage.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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