Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
