I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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