Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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