I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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