there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
