i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
