I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
