Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
