i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
