your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Vodka?
Forever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
