Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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