Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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