drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
