i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
