My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
