I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
