he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
