I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
