I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
