um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize