your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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