yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
