I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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