Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize