when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
