when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
