none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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