My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You took a bar mat shot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
