I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
