Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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