whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize