the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
