We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
