well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
