I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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