so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
