Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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