Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my poor anus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
