We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
