i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
