take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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