i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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