Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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