my mouth tastes like poor choices
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize