So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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