So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
