My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
