I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
