Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
